Hello everyone, Happy Sunday to us all and I hope we went to church J. So, on this very good day, I was on my own o busy surfing the net like I always do and I came across this amusing picture on nairaland.com. When I saw the picture, I first laughed my head off because I never knew that people could be so funny and dumb at the same time in this life. It was obvious that the content in the picture was clearly posted by a lady who thought so little of herself and it was funny and sad at the same time. After the laughter, it then got me thinking about how many female lives have been ruined by that silly theory on how to handle wife battery.
It first of all shows the post the lady put up on the internet and it was followed by a picture.
The post says:
“Part of keeping the black family together is learning to resolve issues internally. Not everyone needs to know your problems. I made another post about this issue and black women have said things like “A real man wouldn’t..” or “if he did it to me I would call (insert big brother, police, back up simp nigga)..” But what black women don’t realize is, not all men who’ve done this are bad men. Yes, that’s right, GOOD BLACK MEN are human too. They make mistakes just like everyone else. There isn’t many men who stand there and take constant physical and verbal abuse. If he’s a good man; take the beating, call your best friend who can keep secrets, go to her house, put an ice pack on it and call off from work until the wounds have healed. If he’s a GOOD BLACK MAN, trust me he feels horrible and wants you back. If he’s a good black man.. TAKE HIM BACK WE’RE GROWING ON TREES”
The picture below it illustrates a black woman all beaten up with the text saying “A REAL BLACK WOMAN would put an ice pack on it, wear glasses, and call off sick instead of alerting 50”
Before we comment on the silliness of this “theory”, I would like to share with us a story I heard on the Opera Winfrey show. It was about a man who started beating his wife two weeks after their wedding. He confessed to doing it out of jealousy because they went to a party together and he saw her dancing with another guy. He dragged her outside, and held his hand to her throat against the car after which he dragged her to a nearby bush and put her on the ground while trying to choke her to death. He said that he was so angry and the only outlet he had for his anger was violence. He apologized to his wife and promised that it wasn’t going to happen again until it just kept happening and he said he was out of control. They was even a time when she was heavily pregnant and he was asking for sex and she refused because of the pregnancy, this time he got so angry with her and he SAT ON HER STOMACH. This time around his wife couldn’t handle it and she threatened to leave. To cut the long story short, he gave his life to Christ and learnt how to control himself with the help of God and at that time he said that he hadn’t laid a hand on his wife in two years and he was happy. When he was asked why he beat his wife, he said that during his childhood, his father used to beat his mother and so that was the only way he knew how to express his emotions.
One night, while sleeping in my room, a woman’s cries woke me up at about 9:30pm and it went on for about an hour more. Suddenly I heard other neighbours banging on the door of the apartment “begging” the man to stop beating his wife. He replied them by saying that he was handling his business and that they should not bother disturbing him while he does that. The next morning the other neighbours gathered and started discussing the previous night’s incidence outside my flat. I listened to their conversation and discovered that they were all in support of that cowardly man who beat his wife till she bled. They kept saying that women were so stupid but that their stupidity needed to be tamed sometimes with a good beating. They even called the coward “a man in control of his house”. I shook my head at the level of illiteracy and ignorance amongst Nigerians today and all I could do was pray for them.
On other day while on a bus, an elderly man and a woman who sat at the front seat beside the driver were having an argument about women and how they should be treated at home. The woman was of the opinion that it is possible to have a happy home in Nigeria but the man doubted her and said she did not know what she was saying. According to the man, a home where the woman is always happy is not a real home. In his own words, “Umu nwanyi di nma I di n’ebe akwa oge obuna” in English: “women are supposed to cry all the time”. He went ahead to give an example with his home where his wife is never happy and that it was a good thing because it showed that he owned his house and that there was discipline. He in fact said that when his wife is happy in the house, he makes a conscious effort to make her miserable.
Wait o! Who knows what causes wife battery? Could it be the woman’s fault? Could it be the man’s fault? What really drives a MAN to lay a hand on the mother of his children? What crime would his wife commit that would be so terrible to push him to harm his wife?
I know we are very eager to hear what I have to say 😀 you’re all on your devices like “make I see wetin she go talk”. I will not talk o *sips lipton and crosses legs*..hehe just kidding.
I know that some of us will have reservations about the fact that an unmarried woman should not be speaking on this topic but you want to know what I think? I think that I don’t have to be married to know that wife battery or even husband battery (yes o! that one sef dey happen) cannot be justified. I sincerely believe that with the help of God, any situation in a home can be solved. I watched a movie sometime ago that the famous Cookie of Empire featured in. In the movie, she and her hubby had issues and the pastor said that “marriage was like a three strand rope, the man is the first strand, the woman is the second and God is the third and that if the third strand is not present, the marriage surrenders to pressure because it will no longer be strong enough.” I believe that if Jesus was there from the initiation of the idea of marriage between two people, that there will be no mountain that you both would not be able to overcome because God himself will be there to give you strength.
In a case where God was not there from the onset nko? *sips more lipton* 😀 I believe that there is no case that cannot be solved when the two are willing to solve it with the help of God. There is no mountain too big.
Biko our ladies, don’t sit and get hit. Take charge of your relationship or marriage by bringing God into the matter. You are very special in your own way and you have the right to be appreciated by a good special man. Don’t compromise yourself because you want to help a human who is resisting your help or because of the material things you are benefiting from the relationship. You are your own woman; please do not let the society get into your head and make you feel otherwise.
Take your time and make your choices especially those choices that are long-term.
Nothing on this earth justifies wife battery because even good and faithful wives get beaten for being good and faithful :/. Don’t sit and let it slide, find out what the issue is and solve it with God’s help because not only are you risking your life, you are risking the lives of your children.
Once a man hits you, it might most likely happen again. Don’t say you love him and he loves you too but he’s going through a tough time and then you take the beating and do nothing. Sister, if your husband is going through a tough time and he is a good man, help him get on his knees and pray to God and not get on his feet and slap your face.
Know your man before you tie the knot because it is a lifetime decision. Don’t be blown away by wealth or looks or even the fact that he goes to church (we will talk about this one later :/)
Don’t put an icepack on it and call in sick because you think he’s a GOOD MAN. Put a stop to it and call on God because you know you are a GOOD WOMAN who deserves better.
YOU ARE YOUR OWN WOMAN.