When I was in secondary school, you could only describe me in one word
Yes, I was lost. I was always looking for answers to questions that weren’t there or questions that I created the need for. I had addictions, I had worries, I had a lot of issues that from this distance right now, look very foolish and unnecessary.
However, there is one question I always looked for an answer to everyday.
“I am redeemable?”
This question kept me awake a lot of times thinking, imagining and puzzling. I knew I loved God but it felt so hard to actually find him.
I used to lock myself up in my mother’s room after doing my chores and doing my assignments. My mother had this blue CD player that used to always be in her room and I found this CD that had a collection of so many Christian songs that were meant to fuel the Christian mind and keep Christians strong in their faith. I can’t remember all the songs on the CD but I remember a few:
This is your Land by Max Lucado
From a Distance
Our Father by Don Moen
Lean on Me
These are the ones I can remember now.
I listened to these songs day after day and tried to find the answer to my question but I just couldn’t. I always ended up blank and feeling blue but I never found the answer to my question. This was because, deep inside I hadn’t surrendered myself to God.
I felt I could hold back a few pieces of the old me and still be redeemed and it kept me in a fix for about five years before I let go and allowed God to use me as his pawn.
I am not perfect now, I am still a work in progress but I am a free person. I am happier, more confident and content with who I am and what I have. I have accepted that I am imperfect, not everyone must like me, my family is first after God and I know what I want.
I know that God exists and he owns me. I know that he’s there and he sees what I do in the secret and the open. I know that I owe him reverence for letting me live after the sins that I have committed.
I am not a preacher who has totally got it figured out but, if you are out there and you are feeling lost and gone, come over to this side. It healthier, happier and it’s God. You can’t do it all alone, you can’t stop that addiction on your own, you can’t break free of that destructive relationship on your own, and you can’t live on your own.
Don’t form super man or wonder woman and carry all your unnecessary wahala on your back when God can take it all away if you surrender to him.
Surrender and be free.
Raise that white flag like I did and tell him that you are done fighting your battles alone and let him lead you to that place that you secretly yearn.
This is all for now.
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