It had been six years since Tami did this. She had successfully gotten rid of this bad habit on her 18th birthday. She made a resolution never to even think of it but tonight, she didn’t just think of it, she actually did it.
It was a cold night and it started raining at about 8:00 pm when the lights went off and Tami suddenly realised that she was actually alone at home. Her mum had travelled with her siblings to see Aunt Ify in Calabar and Dad had not come back from his trip to Abuja.
She put off the switch to which her Television was connected and put off the heater as well. She then laid down on her bed face up and started thinking about so many things. She thought about her siblings, her mum and her past. She started thinking about those nights when she stole her mother’s phone from under her pillow just so she could look at those pictures and videos. The internet had just come out then and the rich kids in her class introduced her to it. They didn’t do it intentionally as they never did like Tami back in school. She just overhead and learnt about it, got home, and tried it on her mum’s nokia java phone and it worked.
She thought about how her mum would shout every morning about how she had 500 naira worth of airtime on her phone and how it was just 50 kobo remaining. She thought about the strokes of cane she received for the mere fact that she was a suspect and not that she was actually the one who did it. Tami also thought about how sinfully sweet it was.
She thought about how good it felt to stick her hands down her panties and make herself happy while she used her mother’s phone . She liked the fact that she could get caught any minute. She liked the scent of the paint used on the insides of the wardrobe she hid in. She enjoyed every click, touch and minute of it.
These thoughts put her in a trance, she had not realised what she was doing until her laptop was in front of her and her hands were in her panties again and now she is 24. Oh God, how she missed this, she closed her eyes and was lost in ecstasy until she got a message on her laptop screen saying that she had just 10 mb left on her modem sim card. How was it possible? It was 524 mb about fifteen minutes ago!
She snapped out of the trance when she was about to do an online transfer to her sim card. She suddenly realised what she was doing and then a part of her past that she refused to remember, came back.
That disgusting, stupid, empty and sore feeling. That feeling that usually left her crying in the wardrobe all those nights. The feeling that always made her vow never to do it again.
This night, it was no different. She just sat down there on her bed, feeling stupid..and empty.