I woke up this morning with sore feet from the dance rehearsals yesterday and a sore, itchy right eye from the day before due to an infection. I woke up as always and picked up my phone and I saw it there:
with a picture of me smiling the background.
I then turned over and tried to meditate on the month of September and my dealings with her. I tried to concentrate but there was a spinning sound in the background and I turned to my right side and realised that my DVD player was still paused on Episode 4 of Orange is the new Black Season 3. (Yes, I’m a fan)
September began with the death of a loved one on the 2nd then my birthday on the 16th, my parents’ anniversary on the 18th and my lovely sister’s birthday on the 19th. Horrible way to start if you ask me. The month of September changed me not just because I added a few Kilos but also because I began to view life differently. I began to view life as SHORT.
I realised that anyone could drop dead at any time and this would render a lot of the things we struggle for everyday, useless. I began to ask myself why exactly we hustle, cry and struggle for better things in life when the end that we dread so much is so unpredictable.
I began to understand that God saw that this end would cause terror and fear. This is why in his infinite wisdom, he created dreams, ambition and a sense of purpose in us. This is why a man without dreams, is a man without hope. He is like a bird without wings because he can shit but he cannot fly. The dreams, ambitions and sense of purpose are what distract us from the fact that one can just cease to exist any minute. They act like dark shades that reduce the bright and overwhelming intensity of this reality that is life.
I also began to delve into theories and science that were related to investigations into the “after life”. I tried to find out if my cousin at least felt peace wherever he was. This particular knowledge was supposed to lessen my grief…and it did.
All in all September wasn’t really a good month for me and i’m still stuck in her sad arms waiting to be rescued by my “October in a shining armour” :D. Dear October, please be nice and ask 55227 to stop calling my MTN line because frankly I’m not ready for a relationship right now. I however, have a crush on PHCN and I wish he would come and visit me more often because he lights up my day. Help me find that long lost relative in America that is probably trying to get in touch with me and also beg Nigeria to stop acting like a teenager lol.
Happy Independece day Nigeria and happy holidays in advance!
-Nduka Ifeoma (@femaleigboarch)
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