MY CONCLUSION 

Each time I make up my mind to finally put up a post on this blog for the first time in a long while, something happens and I end up not doing it. I set up my PC, put on my hot-spot, connect my system,  go to wordpress.com, log in, open a new post page, set my fingers over the keyboard and then…nothing.

Nothing in the sense that a whole lot has gone on with me and all these things have lifted me and placed me in a corner. in this corner, I have gained a quiet perspective to life. I just sit around in this corner and I am calm, reluctant and I oddly smile more than I used to. 

You see, towards the end of last year I went through what I would call am emotional hurricane and to be honest with you all,  I cannot even pinpoint what exactly triggered it but I woke up one morning and told myself: “you are not okay”.

I wasn’t okay. 

My head was filled with things that felt like smoke. it felt like there was hot water boiling somewhere filling my head with steam, gas, smoke or the likes of it. I wasn’t confused but I wasn’t decisive. I was oddly very aware of my surrounding but I ignored it. When I moved about, it felt like I was accompanied by three versions of me that we’re about 3 seconds behind each other in time. It honestly felt like I was fading away. 

I didn’t know the cause and I didnt know the cure. It stopped and I must say it changed me. Was this a metamorphosis of some sort or a transition? Was this me moving between paradigms and thought forms? Because right now it feels like I am high on an overdose of calmness and freedom. Right now it feels like my shadow is trapped within me and is not interested in letting itself out because it in the true sense is free. Is this a good thing? 

Has it finally happened? Have I finally grown up? 

I wouldn’t say I’m impressed with this change because to me it feels like it had to happen. It feels like a confusing form of puberty. It feels oddly quiet like its a conclusion of some sort. 

Hmmm…

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7 thoughts on “MY CONCLUSION 

  1. How can you truly be free when you are not so sure – of the cause and the cure, or of what exactly IT is? In the true sense of reality, we are never free.

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    1. But then again. What is reality? What is your reality? And what is freedom? What is your freedom. Alot of things are actually personally experienced and defined. In some sense we are never free and in another sense, the key to our freedom may just be in our pockets and we are very unaware about this. I doubt If I made any sense right now. Loool

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      1. Yes, you made some sense. However, based on your words, you claim freedom and yet you still have unanswered questions. Or do you have the answers now? And/but choose to keep them to yourself? – because again, I don’t see that you do. And yes, the key to our freedom may just be in our pockets but we would never know if we aren’t sure of the pants to wear.

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  2. Lol, shit happens everyday
    Doesn’t matter what caused it or what cures it. All that matters now is that whenever you want to keep calm or get away from this cold cold world, you plug in some music or something that causes you to remember that feeling or gets you in the mood. Then relax and catch a glimpse of perfect happiness. Just a glimpse.
    Now the only thing that can save from this near psychic experience is your willingness to accept reality.
    If you can then you can master your emotions and make them whatever you want em to be at the proper time.
    If you don’t understand a thing I just wrote then just know a lot of people feel so too after reading your post, but I’m sure you do 😀😁

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  3. i have been thinking: How about you write about these strange feelings? Or about ‘the 3 versions of you’ — I am very interested in them.

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