I PLAYED DEAF

“Guys! you can go home. Professor no dey come!” the course rep said from the front of the class.
At this announcement, there was an uproar of excitement and we all started trooping out of the class headed to our various hostels. This was supposed to be good news for me because I watched movies till 3 a.m last night and needed to get some sleep. Also, there was a show on FOX LIFE that I usually missed because of this particular lecture that was cancelled. However, I was not happy. Infact, I was very angry and my friend Jide noticed.
“Oga wetin dey work you. You just keep face like shit since.” he said nudging me
“Guy abeg lemme. Girls just dey very annoying” I spat out
“Ah ah hehehe, wetin happen?” he asked
“No be that stupid girl? that b*tch” I replied
“haba, that thing still dey pain you?” he asked again
I’m sure you must be wondering what I was angry about. Let me tell you

*flashback to 3 hours ago*

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EMPOWERED WOMEN,  EMPOWER WOMEN. 

Oh my readers forgive me, I no go do am again o! 😢😢

Hello everyone and welcome to the month of July!  Whoop whooop!!  I hope we have all been good to ourselves. That’s great! 

You can’t wait for the story ba?  See your teeth. 😂 Amebo. 

I’m not talking again 😯 

Just kidding!  Let’s wait for these chickens to pass first.  🕒 

🐓🐔🐓🐓🐔🐔🐔🐔🐓🐓🐔🐔🐔🐔🐓🐓🐓

Alright!  

Yesterday while I was scrolling through my timeline, I came across a post by a girl named Oma. She’s a blogger and talks about everything that deserves an opinion on her blog. She had shared one of her posts and the title suggested that women were their own problem. The post in summary was a story about how she mentioned to her mother that she was tired of the traffic and needed to get herself a car. Her mother yelled at her and asked her if she even wanted to get married at all because when she gets a car it would scare away suitors and she’ll most probably end up alone and sad. 

😕

A friend of mine also shared a story of how she was on a bus conversing in igbo with her friend and was interrupted by the stranger sitting next to her. The stranger scolded her for sounding too “igbotic” and adviced her to speak more English so that she could sound more lady-like and attract suitors. This stranger was a woman. 

😰

The famous Nigerian Architect and radio host, Jumoke Adenowo in an interview for a women’s show explained how dreams have been killed,  crushed and shattered because mothers and women tell their daughters and friends that: shebi it’s Garri that they will do last last,  just study your nuclear physics and get married. 

😮

Everyday on social media and in random discussions, the issue of the discrimination against humans because they are female come up. I sit back and realise that the people who advocate for their freedom do this mostly before the ones who discriminate. But amongst themselves, they feel less. 

Women! We might be our own problem! 
We will not get the treatment and recognition we deserve by lip service,  we get it by working on ourselves and helping ourselves. But no! We have turned ourselves into competitors for a negligible price. Everyday there is a constant struggle for a meal ticket that we can afford. We smile to win, we speak to admonish and we dress to slay. Everything we do is just so that Justine will not do it better than we have done it. 

I envy men sometimes because even in diversity,  there is a sense of community, understanding and respect they have for their counterparts. Correct me if I’m wrong. With us? It’s always a competition. We see ourselves as less and teach our daughters to be less. It’s an endless cycle that continuously mass produces a set of brain washed women who fight for nothing. 

We should owe our daughters, sisters and friends the responsibility to empower ourselves because in so doing,  we empower them too. We owe them belief in ourselves and we owe them success. 

Stop seeing the woman next to you as a competitor and start seeing her as a sister. We are in no competition because at the end of the day,  we all die and the things we kill ourselves over will perish.

Help the lady next to you by first helping yourself. Success and happiness is not gender selective. Stop the ill-advicing, the envy,  the hate,  the fighting,  the scowls and the gossip. Stop basing your happiness in what Obinna thinks or what Chidimma says. Just be a woman. 

This is why I have stopped advocating for gender equality and this is why I have not identified with feminism because I don’t know who to fight for or speak for. We must first unite before deciding to fight. 

Let us empower ourselves and in so doing, we might even prove our worth without even trying. 

Thanks and have a lovely Sunday. 

– Nduka Ifeoma

BUT FOR EVERYTHING, THERE IS A SEASON

​There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens

Ecclesiastes 3 vs 1 

Today in class, a few of us were picking on a colleague. Seriously! I’m not a bully though but it was just us having fun and trying to ease of the stress from school work. The issue with this classmate was that he had just refused to talk to girls and mingle. We hardly see him with any female friends and as the good course mates that we are *adjusts tie and collar*, we decided to help out of concern. hahaha.

Anyways, we kept teasing him and playfully giving him suggestions to his “situation” as we liked to call it until one of us said something:
“There is time for everything”

Whatever is has already been,

and what will be has been before;

and God will call the past to account.

Ecclesiastes 3 vs 15

This and recent happenings in my life have shown me the value of time and how it works. To every second, minute, and hour, a scene has been assigned. The scenes will only play out when they are supposed to and the truth about the matter is that you actually cannot do anything about this particular fact. This is why patience indeed is a virtue.

You and I have a list of things that we want for people and for ourselves that we recite to as often as possible but the truth is that if these things are not written down in the scripts and scrolls of time, they cannot happen except God allows it. 
“Fate confirms fate”
If it is written that you are supposed to crawl and you try hard to walk, you’ll get hurt and still end up crawling. It’s difficult not to be hasty about things especially when you already have it all planned out in your head and you have invested alot in these things. I understand. But the truth is that, whatever is has already been and what will be, has been before. Let things play out.

 I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. 13 That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. 14 I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him.

Ecclesiastes 3 vs 12-14

Whatever you feel you want might not be what you need. Beating the gun will only delay your race. Relax, and take things as they come. It might annoy you at some point. Sometimes you may cry, other times you may frown ans some other times you may be disappointed but these disappointments and tears have already been before they were. Sometimes delays are just recesses to give you time to learn a lesson or to give you time to avoid a mistake or a mishap. 

So I saw that there is nothing better for a person than to enjoy their work, because that is their lot. For who can bring them to see what will happen after them?

Ecclesiastes 3 vs 22

This is all I have for us today. I’m really sorry for the long silence, school work is overwhelming right now and I promise I will get back to the table once things get clearer. 

Happy Easter in advance. 
Love you all. 
Cheers.

The Multifaceted Butterfly

800px-TwoLorenzOrbits.jpg“We can be whatever we want to be and do whatever we want to do…all we have to do is dream it and work towards it” – says almost everyone these days.*Yuck* That my friend is a myth (I stand to be corrected). It doesn’t always work that way.

For multitalented people – those who have the ability to different things from sometimes unrelated fields- we cannot all be what we want to be, neither can we do all that we want to do. We can only achieve 50% (or thereabout) of what we want to do or be and most times at a huge cost- mostly psychologically and sometimes emotionally. Now, I am not going to bother you all and myself with the numbers and scientific evidence. Why should I, when I am already a living proof? Why should I bother with the scientific gibberish when I know some others just like myself?

One time, I tried having a conversation with a friend who was multi potential and sent a text that read “Sup”. Her reply was, “My dear, I am stressed and almost confused… I am getting fat from stress eating … I always have gas in my system … I have zero fun …the heat is unbearable … there hasn’t been light for the past one week here…” Jesus!!! All I asked was “Sup” and she poured out all of that and more. But you know what, I understood. I really did. These complaints are just a small part of the price we pay for being creatively multitalented. I call it the BUTTERFLY EFFECT – the consequences of being multifaceted like a butterfly.

Here is the thing – some of us are so multitalented, so much so that we are capable of doing many things; and contrary to popular belief, it can be really frustrating and confusing choosing what to do – career wise and especially after graduation.

Take these butterflies for example (not using real names):

°Rose studied Mass communication as a course, designs and sews as well, writes and blogs and is also a public speaker and female MC.
°Ken is studying Economics, is a bad ass songwriter and rapper, a mean photographer and sketch artist.
°Linda is studying architecture, a bad ass professional dancer, and also a writer and blogger and sometimes a doodler.
°Fina studies law, is a great doodler and sketch artist, a writer and sometimes dabbles with jewellery making, which is actually good at.
°Ada studied Economics and is a good radio presenter. She is a bad ass accessory and jewellery designer and maker, content developer and writer and sometimes doodles quirkily.

These people and so many others have been blessed with more than talent and I know most of you would be wondering what the problem is exactly because all you see is one person with so many options to choose from- especially as a source of income.

Yes, we have so many options for future careers but the downside is, we struggle greatly deciding which path to follow and which choice would be more optimal. The process to choosing can be very chafing and oftentimes, turn into a state of depression. During this process, we tend to lose friends and shut people out – only very few of them understands and are very supportive. Some people would perceive you as ‘unserious’.

So to my fellow butterflies, here is my two-piece: There are and would be many periods of anxiety and self-doubt, but it ‘dun’ matter. The first thing we should do is to let go of the need for approval – even from ourselves and just do the first thing that feels right. Never try to overthink things because that’s when the self-doubt and negativity begins to work its way into our heads. Make your circle small and never ever try to explain yourself and your dreams/goals (consistently) to people who don’t understand – some of whom only hear what you say but don’t listen. And according to Lisa Rivero, ‘Optimal adjustment’ is key; that is finding a blend between personal abilities, personal preferences, and requirements and rewards (especially from workplace environment). And for heaven’s sakes, you are allowed to make mistakes – after all, you have so many options at your fingertips.

And to the people (parents, friends, etc.) who have these double-edged sword of giftedness around them…learn to identify that we are really different people and that the process of “toughen up” or “being serious” with our lives and exactly what we want to do would only take longer time when you tend to badger and make us seem stupid.

…SO WE COOKED MY SON AND ATE HIM

“Speak woman! How may I help you?”

She fell to the floor exhausted, tears gushing down her eyes. She was tired. She lacked the words to explain what had just happened to her. What had she just done to herself? Would the king kill me? How was I to explain the inexplicable? Drowning in her own thoughts, she wailed again in the king’s palace,

“Help me, your majesty”

“Speak woman, what’s your trouble?” The king asked again as he obviously began to lose his patience

Trying to put herself together, she knelt before the king. I have to try. There is nothing left to lose

“Your majesty,” she said, taking a deep breath, “The other day a woman suggested that we eat my child and then eat her child the next day. I didn’t have a choice. Things went beyond my control. It was the only way out. So we cooked my son and ate him. The next day, I told her we had to eat her son but she hid him from me”

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CHIP AND LEAD

photo ppp.jpg

We can’t get it right all the time you know? You’re allowed to go crazy and ballistic once in a while to let out the stress from that pressure. What pressure you ask? The pressure from our teachers, parents, future kids and ourselves. The pressure to write a good story before the lead in that pencil finishes.

The quarter-life crisis is a period of life ranging from twenties to thirties, in which a person begins to feel doubtful about their own lives, brought on by the stress of becoming an adult. The term was coined by analogy with mid-life crisis.

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STUCK IN SEPTEMBER

I woke up this morning with sore feet from the dance rehearsals yesterday and a sore, itchy right eye from the day before due to an infection. I woke up as always and picked up my phone and I saw it there:

“01-10-16”

with a picture of me smiling the background.

I then turned over and tried to meditate on the month of September and my dealings with her. I tried to concentrate but there was a spinning sound in the background and I turned to my right side and realised that my DVD player was still paused on Episode 4 of Orange is the new Black Season 3. (Yes, I’m a fan)

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THE BLOG IS ONE! 

Hello guys! It’s true! The Blog is one! 😆😆

I cannot believe it has been a year of constant blogging. I must confess keeping you guys entertained and informed all at the same time has been big wahala! And you know what? I love your wahala ;);).

I started this blog which was formerly known as GirlUp n Walk on the 19th of September, 2015 (two days after my birthday). I formerly owned a blog (cciamaka.wordpress.com) which I had been running for almost a year but I left it to start afresh.

Why did I start afresh?

I started afresh because it was something I had to do. I had been thinking about starting not just a blog but my whole life afresh by August last year when I was done with my final year exams and I thought to myself  “oh you’re starting a new life journey, why not start a blog and base that blog on this journey?” And that’s how my baby was born.

I had spoken to a few people about it including Bamiyo of BAMZIE’S blog about it and the support I received was unexpected actually. This 100 percent support was all I needed to kick start the movement.

With me at the beginning was Ijeoma Unachukwu who is an awesome writer, you should check her posts out, they are still available on the blog. Her write ups brought in traffic that I still don’t understand till date. Lol Yes! She is that good. I also had Mercy who was constantly giving the readers updates on make-up and skin and then Anita who wrote articles that made the readers feel good about themselves.

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100th POST! YAY!

Hello everyone! Hope we are good!

Sorry I have not been around for a while, I have been waiting till this special day to put up the 100th post on this blog.

What has made today special? It’s my birthday! woohooo!! *Imaginary balloons and confetti*

To be honest, this happiness and joy I feel today can only be compared to the way I felt when my younger brother was born in 2010. I feel improved sort of like femaleigboarch 2.0 or something. I am happy because I have reviewed my life and I have discovered that I am not the same person I was in 2015. I think that’s why birthdays exist because they serve as milestones to help you measure how far you have gone in your life. It also gives you the opportunity to scan your life for things that you haven’t done or achieved. It gives you the need to devise new means or methods to achieve the said goals or to improve on the already existing means and methods.

It’s not like i’m going to have an awesome party with loud music and cake, but this feeling alone is enough to make my day. I’m so excited and happy with myself!

Today has thought be that God actually crowns people’s efforts. When you set your mind out to do something and you go for it the right way, your effort is recognised and rewarded. Don’t limit yourself with wrong mindsets, stereotypes or negative statements. I must confess there were low times when I would look at myself and ask myself:

“What do you think you are doing? You can’t be better than this can you? Just relax and stop making noise. Nobody will ever read your posts or even understand what you are saying why bother?”

“Look at her/him, he just does it and it works, why bother yourself struggling for something that just won’t work like his/her own?”

Yes, yes, even I fall for the trap the devil sets with comparison and envy. When this happens, I shrug it off and do my own thing anyway! Oh did I tell you, femaleigboarchitect.wordpress.com will be one in three days time! :D. It was actually registered a few days back but I made my first post on the 19th of September, 2015. On that day, I am going to share 24 throw back posts, two from each month so  prepare for your timelines to be raided!

So, this is it, the 100th post!

Thanks a lot to you guys, this blog would have been nothing without your comments, likes and shares. I hope I will live long enough to keep giving you posts to read and enjoy. Thank you and God bless.

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Oh and don’t forget! Natural Hair Babes is hosting a natural hair meetup in Awka, Anambra state! Tell  your friends! Download the temp flyer below and share with your friends with hashtag #nhbAWKA16 !

temp-flyer