THE EYES OF DECEMBER

Hey lovers 🙂 , it’s been a long time! God knows I have missed you guys like crazy. As we slowly approach the end of the year, i want to appreciate all my readers for their undying love and support. It’s been a delight sharing my life with you guys this year. To be honest, writing has opened me up to parts of myself I wasn’t ready to admit existed, parts that I had buried… So thank you for helping me find my voice in this noisy world, thank you for being my little spark, and thank you for being a respite from the storms of this year. I sincerely don’t know where I would have been …I love y’all 😀

Now to the business of the day!! Merry christmas ooo… it’s that time of the year again! When fowls and turkeys all over the world wish they were not born. * You people should sha take it easy with the eating, there is still next year*.

So it’s a beautiful night out here in Nigeria and as I sit out here staring pensively and warring with these vampiric mosquitoes,*slaps thigh* I think of you. Yes, you! (p.s. I am not sitting out here because I want to oo…*sigh* there is no light. NEPA Why!). In spite of the distance, I feel like there is a lot on your mind. In the midst of all the merriment, I sense you in a bubble of your own reflecting on the events of the year. (Yes I have psychic powers ooo…You’d be shocked at the powers of an African mosquito bite).

For some of you, you’ve had a great year all round, you’ve shed tears, you’ve laughed hard and you’ve made not-so-costly mistakes. In fact, you’ve done the needful this year and you are more than ready to move on. Whooppppy!

But there are some of you who have had a crappy year, to say the least. You’ve been disappointed, you’ve been hurt, you’ve hurt more people, you’ve made deadly mistakes, you’ve lost your resolve and conveniently forfeited your enthusiasm. The year didn’t just steal from you it stole you and so like our Lord Jesus Christ, all you can say at this juncture is, “IT IS FINISHED”

All my life, I have seen 21 Christmas nights, most of which I can’t recall but on this 21st Christmas night, I’m moved to think of you; I’m moved to celebrate with the joyful and to empathize with the downcast. Although I am neither here nor there, for your sake I have become all things so that by all possible means I may put a smile on your face tonight. (Please smile… I’ve always wanted to use that bible verse. lol). For me, in the end, I’m  just glad you made it. Although that may not be enough for you, it’s all that matters to me ‘cuz as selfish as it sounds, it means I’m not alone. You are not alone. We are all in this together, however messed up it may be! *lol…high five*.  I know life is not FAIR, as a matter of fact life has dished me my fair share of aweful experiences, but that’s not an excuse to loose your FLARE ( no ryhme intended. I am just cool like that! Hehehheheh).So honeys, spark up your world! ‘Cos the truth is that if there was no you or me, a part of this world would be dark! Very dark. I know my world would be dark without you. *Smiles*

Any way,I’m sure you’re wondering how my year has been. For me, to say my life has been a roller coaster ride  is the understatement of the year. But really, if you ask how my year has been,

I’ll tell you that I was shoved into womanhood

Groomed by Mother Sorrow

And the vision of a bleak tomorrow

I was forced to grow

 

But I’ll also tell you that I’ve wept for joy

Stunned with a degree

I was declared debt free

From the pangs of university fees

 

I’ll tell you I fell in love

Slain by his cold words

I lost all resolve

Only to lose the battle of love

 

But I’ll also tell you that I’ve met friends

Bonds knitted till death

In the hearth of life’s fiery breath

Resilient to spite threat

 

I’ll tell you that I lost my way

Swayed by ambition

Into a maze of flawed decisions

My ultimate terminus: confusion

 

But I’ll also tell you I heard his voice

Faint in the death of night

Thunderous in the dearth of might

My God rose to the fight

 

Above all I’ll tell you I met you

Without whom there’ll be no muse

And I’d be obtuse…

So on this night of December, while some of you dine and wine with your families and some are alone in the dark because of NEPA, know I’m thinking and praying for you! Gotta go now, its time for the fireworks!! *Sorry knock out in Nigerian parlance*. I love y’all! See y’all next year! 😀

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Hey! Hey! Don’t go 😦  Did we forget to remind you that we have a Facebook page, a Twitter account, an Instagram account and a BBM channel (C0043E102)? We are so sorry, kindly visit them and like, follow and join respectively.

Here are some posts you will also like

THE NEW YEAR, NEW ME GRA GRA

I KILLED A MAN TODAY

MY THOUGHTS ON TRAINING THE GIRL-CHILD

MAKE-UP TUTORIALS

See you in 2016!! 😀

THE NEW YEAR, NEW ME “GRA GRA”

Good morning everyone, how are we? Are we feeling the Christmas vibe? Abi Mary never born for una side? Haha …

We are really sorry for going AWOL for a while, everyone is trying to round up the year in our respective schools and homes. Yeah, it’s not just me and I will introduce the whole team to us before the year runs out. I also want to thank you all on behalf of the team for your contribution to the success of the blog through your views, posts, comments and occasional shares. God bless you all.

Today’s post is going to take an educative turn as we are going to discuss a not-so-common subject that is essential in every young adult’s life

SELF-DISCOVERY

Since most people, especially the young adults decide to embark on this journey of self-discovery mostly at the beginning of a new year, the concept is no longer taken as seriously as it should be taken on a normal day. This is probably because most people start it in January and give up before February…Initial gra gra if you may. Lol…

Only very few of us got it right the first time. Me? I went through a lot of phases and a lot of circles before I found direction in my life.

What is SELF-DISCOVERY?

The act or process of gaining knowledge or understanding of your abilities, character, and feelings – Mirriam Webster

Self-discovery and awareness means understanding one’s thoughts, feelings, values and background and how they impact the success of the interaction and relationship or how they may influence one’s work. It is recognizing one’s biases by tracing them to their origins, through reflection and by noticing one’s own behavior – and then intentionally seeking a way forward that positively impacts interaction and relationship. It means maintaining new ways of thinking and acting when situations become difficult or uncertain or in times of urgency – Victoria Morgan, Aboriginal Youth Intern, Ministry of Transportation and infrastructure, Burnaby.

The next question would then be:

How do we embark on this journey of SELF-DISCOVERY?

Well, I don’t know if there is only one way to start this journey or many other ways but I will tell you how I started my journey.

“Sometimes you have to kind of die inside in order to rise from your own ashes and believe in yourself and love yourself to become a new person.” – Gerard Way

I simply stopped what I was doing, thinking, feeling, believing, wearing, saying, singing, or hating. I just stopped and I “died”. I then starting looking for reasons behind these past convictions and started weighing them on the reasonable scale. I started sifting through my previous principles, relationships, clothes, music, and thoughts and I started throwing away the barks. Let’s call it the winnowing process.

I simply went back to Grade one and started looking through my report cards.

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate” – C. G. Jung

Afterwards, I took control of everything. I stopped taking things as they came, I started letting them come if I wanted to. I gradually established principles, cut all unwanted ties with people and established a lifestyle that I wanted. Make no mistake, this lifestyle includes God, right from the beginning because If I had not first had an encounter with him, I wouldn’t even be on this journey.

I used to be confused and without direction. My life had no shape at all and I just did things on impulse and then justified my actions later with whatever seemed right at the time.

I know you might be wondering: what’s so great about self-discovery?

I’ll tell you:

1. It teaches you how to love yourself.
2. It can lead you to the right career for yourself.
3. It improves your relationships with people.
4. It makes you physically healthier.
5. It helps you make better decisions in life because it gives you better judgment.
6. It gives you charge over your life with the help of God.
7. It makes you happy and happiness is the way forward 😉
8. It gives you confidence and boosts your esteem.

I will not say that I am now a perfect person who has it all figured out, but trust me when I say that self-discovery has nothing to do with what we learn from school or from books or even from TV but it has everything to do with what you learn from yourself. This life is like an undercover tsunami and you are the only person who can keep you afloat despite the turbulence.

If you feel lost, or feel like you don’t know who you are anymore or why you do some things that you do, you need to embark on this journey with me and I promise, it will pay off. I know we are at the end of the year and it probably seems to some of us that we have not achieved anything or we feel lost, out of place and without direction…hmph… I would like to let us know that next year exists because we all deserve second chances.

God does not keep us alive for us to sit around and do nothing while things happen to us, he keeps us alive because he wants us to work on ourselves to make ourselves better and in turn, make the world better. Just stop, kill that bitter and lost human and give birth to a better person. Don’t listen to the people who would make fun of the fact that you are doing the “new year, new me” thing. Just do it.

I hope we’re all celebrating in our different ways at home or where ever we are because it is essential that we take a break from the whole year’s work, meditate, reflect and most importantly, take off all the flesh from the bones of all the chicken you lay your hand upon 😀 😀 😀

Merry Christmas in Advance from the GirlUp ‘n’ Walk team!!! Bye!!

CHRONICLES OF MY NHJ: MY HAIR VS HARMATTAN

Ah! No be small thing o, dust dust dust everywhere. It’s so dry here in Anambra that my eyes dry out so fast before the next blink. Lord! I was in the market making the braids that I just took off (I’ll come to that) and suddenly this weird wind just blew across the market..Lol.. the stylist making my hair had to shout “uguru a bia na ooooo (harmattan has come oo)” she hurriedly poured some oil on her hands and rubbed it on my hair.
Mehn! It just kept getting worse each day that I was too scared to even take off the PS. It looked so old but I just couldn’t. I had to visit so many sites and do a lot of research. Iono how many hair enthusiasts I emailed or how many blogs I visited but it just wasn’t enough. Until I woke up one morning last week and looked at the mess on my head and I was like ” you can’t keep living like this, just lose it ” and then just like magic, my scissors appeared in my hand and I cut the braids and started loosening them. I’m going to describe how I took down the PS without losing so much hair in another post.
I originally wanted to make a new PS immediately like the next day lol..but Chinwe Juliet, the owner of igbocurls.com blog said it was advisable to leave your hair out for at least a week for it to breathe and I saw sense in it. So, my usual style for the past four days has been the same, spritz, moisturizer, oils and a little Shea butter. I usually blow out my hair by banding them the night before so it doesn’t shrink and of course my satin bonnet has been my best friend ever since.

No banding the night before

My hair doesn’t really dry out that much although it gets a little tangled at the tips but nothing my spritz can’t handle. My hair is always under a satin scarf when I’m at home to avoid stories that touch 😉 lol
By the way! Christmas is here again! I’m counting down to Jesus’ and mum’s birthday on the 25th..yip yip!!! 😀 What plans do we have for Christmas though?

Banding the night before

Here’s what you can do in preparation for Christmas: We have a Facebook page that needs to be liked and a Twitter page that needs to be followed! Please join in the Christmas spirit and invite your friends to do so as well!
Happy harmattan 😀
Thanks! :* :* :* :* :*
– the femaleigboarchitect

POEM REVIEW: SOMEBODY ALMOST WALKED OFF WITH ALL OF MY STUFF

Hellurr, good afternoon 😀 How are we doing today? Hope we went to church today? I did and it was awesome!
Today’s message was about how to feel genuine joy and happiness. According to the priest, when you are in God, you would not have to struggle to be happy because you are by right, empowered with the fruits of the holy spirit. Makes sense abi?

Before we start, stop whatever you are doing and pay attention. If you are a guy, call your mother, sister, aunt, cousin, girlfriend, colleague or whoever is around you to read with you. If you’re applying nail polish or watching a really important movie, drop your phone and come back to this post when you are done.

Alright!
So, today’s message in church reminded me of a poem I heard in the movie For Coloured Girls. If you haven’t seen it, you have to see it. It was made from a book written by famous poet and playwright Nzotake Shange who was a survivor of rape.
The poem was recited by the character Juanita Sims whose lover Frank kept playing with her trust by coming and leaving whenever he wanted, breaking her heart over and over.
Click here to download the video of the poem
This is a refined part of the poem:

Somebody almost walked off with all of my stuff

And didn’t care enough to send a note home saying I was late for my solo conversation

Or two sizes too small for my own tacky skirts

What can anybody do with something of a nobellier on an open market?

Did you get a dime for my things?

Hey man, where are you going with all of my stuff?

This is a woman’s tripping, I need my stuff to ooh and aaah about

Honest to God! Somebody almost ran with all of my stuff

And I didn’t bring anything but the kick and sway of it

The perfect ass for my man and none of it is theirs

This is mine…Phemelo’s own things,…

That’s my name now give me my stuff

I see you hiding my laugh and how

I sit with my leg open sometimes to get my crutch some sunglight

This is some delicate leg and whimsical kiss

I gotta have to get to my choice

So you can’t have me unless I give me away

And I was doing all that till you ran off on a good thing

And who is this you left me with? A bad attitude

I want my things, I want my Oooh with a hot iron scar,

I want my leg with the flee bite, yeah I want my things

I want my calouse feet and quick language back in my mouth

I want my own things how I love them

Somebody almost ran off with all of my stuff

And I was standing there looking at myself the whole time

It wast spirit that ran off with my stuff

It was a man who’s ego won’t drown like road ants shadow

It was a man faster than my innocence

It was a lover I made too much room for almost ran off with all of my stuff

And the one running with it, don’t know he got it

I’m shouting this is mine and he don’t , and he don’t even know he got it

My stuff is the anonymous ripped off treasure of the year

Did you know somebody almost got away with me!

Me! in a plastic bag under his arm, Me! Phemelo Motona!

Somebody almost walked off with all of my stuff!

by Ntozake Shange

Click here to read the full version of the poem

Awesome right? 🙂

If you have seen the movie “For Colored Girls“, then you will understand this poem better. It describes a woman who gave her all to someone and kept accepting apologies from the same person over the same issue over and over again. It also describes a woman who changed herself totally and stopped doing all the things that made her happy to please someone who didn’t appreciate her sacrifice.

It tells a short tale of a lady who ignorantly gave her all to someone and then later realised that she was gradually losing her soul and what makes her who she is.

And who is this you left me with? A bad attitude

There used to be a time when I didn’t even know who I was anymore, because I was lost in something that I didn’t even understand and it almost walked away with all of my stuff and left me with a bad attitude, a bad CGPA, a bad social life and most importantly, a bad relationship with God.

Are you in search of something? Happiness perhaps? and you feel like you can’t have this happiness on your own? or your happiness depends on that someone or that something? Stop now..just stop. You can only have this happiness by yourself because it comes from within.

The priest today gave an example today in church that I agreed with. He said that he pities the ladies the most because every day a lady crushes herself because of jealousy and envy of her fellow women. If you are short, then short is the best way to describe you, if you are dark, then be dark, if you are slim then embrace your “lekpaness” to the fullest.

Don’t let them carry you away in a plastic bag under their arm.

I saw something on a friend’s phone, and it said,

the day your start comparing yourself with other people is the day you start failing

*sigh* I know i’m talking too much so i’ll stop here and leave you to think about all i’ve said.

You don’t have to give up so much of yourself to another person for something you can have by yourself.

You don’t have to change and become a ghost simply because another human might make you “happy”.

My love, if that red lipstick highlights your full lips and makes you happy, rock that lipstick!

If that rusty old watch you wear makes you happy and still tells you the time, rock that watch!

Don’t be restrained by the happiness of another! Your happiness matters too!

If you are short, be the shortest you can be.

If you are tall, be the tallest you can be.

If you are dark, be the darkest you can be.

If you are fair, be the fairest you can be.

Slim or fat, short or tall, fair or dark, curvy or straight, cross-eyed, bow-legged, blind, crippled, funny, boring, serious minded, playful, outspoken, anything! Just be that thing that you are and be happy!

Be happy!

Being happy is not a certificate you have to earn, it’s a right you have as a human being. You don’t have to struggle to be happy!

Okay, okay, one last thing then i’ll go back to my books. My bestfriend Chioma taught me something. She asked me to climb up a table in our dinning room and asked me to pull her up to the table. I pulled and pulled and pulled! but she kept resisting and eventually she dragged me down to the ground with her. She said, “that’s what happens when you try to help or be there for someone who doesn’t want your help, they will eventually drag you down with them or even lower”

I hope I have spoken to someone out there because I battled with self-discovery for a while and I know how liberated I felt when I let go of issues that wanted to run away with all of my stuff.

Thank you everyone for reading.

Remember to Comment and Share with your friends, who knows? You might save a soul or two.

-femaleigboarch

Where Should Your Brows Start? Arch? and End?

Hello my pretty ladies!!! Hope we are all ok and practicing our makeup looks. Well am back with the brow tutorial just to help those that are still struggling with their brows. This tutorial will help you know where your should start, arch and end. Let’s begin then.

Where should your brows start? – Taking a pencil,place it on the sides of your nose to make a straight line showing you where your brows should start.

Where should your brows arch? – Taking the pencil again, place it diagonally on the balls of your nose, crossing the middle of your eyes, now that’s where your brows should arc.

Where your brows should end? – placing the same pencil diagonally crossing the end of your eyeball is where your brows should end.

Alright ladies, this tutorial should guide you to your perfect brows. Remember to keep practicing and never be afraid to play with your eye shadows, trying different looks. Enjoy the weekend and as usual I have left you guys with pictures to guide you.

Cheers!!!!

MY THOUGHTS ON TRAINING THE GIRL-CHILD

Hello once again wonderful people! How are you all doing? It’s been a while right? Yeah I know. Hope we all had an amazing weekend? Mine was awesome; catching up with friends and attending seminars plus a lovely Sunday service.
Well, I’m here to share with you some of my thoughts and feelings on an issue that has got me thinking. Hmmm!!!
Now, it might be said that I’ve not lived very long compared to some people but I’ve lived long enough to know that having children is one of the utmost desires of most women (most, not all!). There’s this immense joy women feel when they carry and nurture babies.
Nature, God’s own creation, understands this and that’s why we are created to be able to give birth and nurture children. So the question here is this: As a mother, potential mother, aunty, sister, even as a father, uncle, brother for our male folks out there, what values do you teach your children?
This question is mainly geared  in the aspect of the importance of the girl child. How do you train your baby girls to view themselves?
How do you also train your baby boys to view their sisters?
For Christians here, it’s said in the bible “Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22 vs 6)
Teach your daughters to love and respect themselves because they are important too. I know in Africa, male children are held in higher esteem than female but truthfully, females are as important as the male. Males are said to continue the family lineage, but then they can’t do it alone, it’s still the females that will give birth to the next generation. So you can imagine a country where every family has only male children. Not good huh? God also deemed women important. That’s why he created Eve.
Mothers, whatever your sons can do, your daughters can do too but only with your encouragement and support. While they’re young, make her know she’s unique and can do great things. Telling your daughters that men and marriage are their only priority in life isn’t right. Yes she should marry, marriage is good but there are renowned women out there making an impact in the world who are happily married. When you encourage her to aim high, she will do extraordinary things. Everyday we see and hear about lots and lots of abuse and  violence carried out on women and we keep condemning them but that can be reduced only if we teach our daughters that they are valuable and no man has a right to abuse them for any reason. Also teach the boys and sons to respect women and to protect them, not hurt them. Teach them while they are still young and they will not depart from it.
So here are my thoughts and feelings on female child upbringing, feel free to add yours.
Name is still Anita Amaka. See you again soonest.

BATTLE SCARS

With her heart rumbling like thunder
Her anxious feet gave way to thud As the sweat dripped down her hardened face

In the beginning so many souls surrounded
Completely oblivious of her own ability
Scared she wouldn’t survive the storm
Totally and in utter lost! …

Made to believe she was less than what she should be
Locked in an imposed closet
They always gathered and talked
Glooming and hovering over the weight of others

Crucially criticizing, smothering, crucifying
Not even aware of her greatness
Living in utter hopelessness and darkness
Engrossed in deep lust and totally lost!

In deep tears and so much pain
She stood and for the first time, she saw the ladder
Staring back at her for invisible ages!
The thought to climb crept in……..

And their voices echoed once more
Hitting the deepest part of her heart…..urgh!!!!
Tearing and ripping it to shreds
She wept!!! And wept!!!……..

In the dark, alone listening to her tears
Her heart screamed
She craved for battle….war!!!..Scared she wondered
Would these battle scars ever fade…….

She took her first steps, baby steps
Looking up the ladder wondering aloud
“Would she ever make it to the top…to the light?”
She cried. They laughed and laughed

Relentless she kept climbing
Cutting away unwanted roots
Creeping all around
She climbed..and climbed…and climbed!

Alone she cried, wiped. Cried again…laughed
Moving on still on her ladder
Cheering herself on! She was her cheerleader…still
She was her biggest fan!!

The journey up was far gone
She smiled!!
Unbelievable!
Gathering courage and comfort once more

Finally, she knew she was worth more than anyone can imagine
And she craved for more…and more
Up the ladder she kept climbing
Few steps to the top…..OMG!!

The ties were off, the chatter…seized
The laughter..hahahhaa….seized
She was at the top
At the top! She made it

Up the ladder her body gave out
With her heart rumbling like thunder
Her anxious feet once again gave way to thud
She had achieved success_
The battle scars never look like they would fade.

by Chinenye G. Okoye

Chinenye is a beautiful igbo girl who grew up in Jos and has refused to accept that she’s a good writer

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